Fake Quotes from Famous People

"You know I coined the term way before there were chocolates involved."

Fri, 06 May 2011 11:54:26 -0500

“You know I coined the term way before there were chocolates involved.”

- Walt Whitman

"I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not..."

Wed, 04 May 2011 09:19:00 -0500

“I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Werd.”

- Martin Luther King, Jr.

"Hi, you’re new in Samos, aren’t you? How about we go back to my place and I’ll..."

Tue, 16 Nov 2010 00:30:00 -0600

“Hi, you’re new in Samos, aren’t you? How about we go back to my place and I’ll show you some of my theorems? One’s got a square root in it. No, I’m not drunk. Not yet.”

- Pythagoras

"These are my sons, Picket Fence and Some Rope Tied Between Two Trees. Now ask me if I’m a..."

Wed, 19 May 2010 10:13:27 -0500

“These are my sons, Picket Fence and Some Rope Tied Between Two Trees. Now ask me if I’m a proud father.”

- Thomas Jonathan “Stonewall” Jackson

"Oh, yeah? Dit-dit-dot, dit-dot-dit, dit, dit! I just sent you a message via jerkography."

Thu, 13 May 2010 13:05:49 -0500

“Oh, yeah? Dit-dit-dot, dit-dot-dit, dit, dit! I just sent you a message via jerkography.”

- Guglielmo Marconi

"Please, William. I know that mountain range looks like it’s giving the finger, but lets not..."

Mon, 10 May 2010 11:03:00 -0500

“Please, William. I know that mountain range looks like it’s giving the finger, but lets not name it that. Sacajawea, what’s it called in Shoshone? Oh. Well, then William, I stand corrected.”

- Meriwether Lewis

"I’m gonna put his ass where his head is and then we’ll see who looks more like a..."

Tue, 04 May 2010 15:06:46 -0500

“I’m gonna put his ass where his head is and then we’ll see who looks more like a scarface.”

- Alphonse Gabriel Capone

"Eva, come to the bedroom. I’ve written a follow-up novel. It’s called Mein Pants."

Wed, 21 Apr 2010 12:32:06 -0500

“Eva, come to the bedroom. I’ve written a follow-up novel. It’s called Mein Pants.”

- Adolf Hitler

"Okay, we’re shutting down the scary sandwich exhibit. I know, I’m disappointed too. But..."

Fri, 16 Apr 2010 09:36:07 -0500

“Okay, we’re shutting down the scary sandwich exhibit. I know, I’m disappointed too. But people prefer bearded women to moldy bread. No, I wouldn’t eat it. Let’s dispose of it properly.”

- Phineas Taylor Barnum

"She says, sit and spin."

Wed, 14 Apr 2010 11:08:00 -0500

“She says, sit and spin.”

- Helen Keller (translated by Anne Sullivan)

"Okay, what if he’s afraid of fire but addicted to cigarettes? I…ron…y."

Wed, 07 Apr 2010 09:37:19 -0500

“Okay, what if he’s afraid of fire but addicted to cigarettes? I…ron…y.”

- Mary Shelley

"My goodness, I believe some hobbits are hopping around your shire. ‘Tis no place for my orc to..."

Thu, 01 Apr 2010 11:41:00 -0500

“My goodness, I believe some hobbits are hopping around your shire. ‘Tis no place for my orc to play.”

- John Ronald Reuel Tolkien

"And lo, my blood, beseeching my fortitude, wilted at the dawn of…ahhh, screw it. I’m..."

Tue, 30 Mar 2010 15:07:59 -0500

“And lo, my blood, beseeching my fortitude, wilted at the dawn of…ahhh, screw it. I’m breaking up with you, okay?”

- John Milton

"Hey everyone, I’ve discovered a better place we can go. Well, that’s why I’m a..."

Tue, 23 Mar 2010 16:52:08 -0500

“Hey everyone, I’ve discovered a better place we can go. Well, that’s why I’m a pioneer and you’re not. Now, if someone can discover me a newspaper.”

- Daniel Boone

"Okay, what if every time you touch the ball you have to yell “Hippopotamus!”? Anyone?..."

Fri, 19 Mar 2010 11:03:55 -0500

“Okay, what if every time you touch the ball you have to yell “Hippopotamus!”? Anyone? No? Fine. This game will never catch on.”

- James Naismith

"Wait, wait, wait, honey. You’ve got it all wrong. I’m doing research for my next book...."

Thu, 11 Mar 2010 14:40:54 -0600

“Wait, wait, wait, honey. You’ve got it all wrong. I’m doing research for my next book. It’s about a journey to a cloud city. With birds and science. And…umm…brothels.”

- Jules Verne

"Hi, it’s me. I’m stuck in a box. You got to come help. No, a real box. I know. Why do..."

Wed, 10 Mar 2010 10:38:37 -0600

“Hi, it’s me. I’m stuck in a box. You got to come help. No, a real box. I know. Why do you think I’m talking to you?”

- Marcel Marceau

"Tell Cortés I’ve got something for him. And it’s not gold."

Tue, 09 Mar 2010 10:17:00 -0600

“Tell Cortés I’ve got something for him. And it’s not gold.”

- Montezuma II

"I think, therefore I am. Now, I think you’re stupid. Let’s make the connection."

Wed, 10 Feb 2010 09:55:27 -0600

“I think, therefore I am. Now, I think you’re stupid. Let’s make the connection.”

- René Descartes

"Mmmm. You can really taste the satan in this punch. It’s beelzebubbly."

Fri, 22 Jan 2010 11:51:21 -0600

“Mmmm. You can really taste the satan in this punch. It’s beelzebubbly.”

- Aleister Crowley