May 2011
2 posts
4 tags
“You know I coined the term way before there were chocolates involved.”
– Walt Whitman
4 tags
“I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the...”
– Martin Luther King, Jr.
November 2010
1 post
3 tags
“Hi, you’re new in Samos, aren’t you? How about we go back to my...”
– Pythagoras
May 2010
4 posts
6 tags
“These are my sons, Picket Fence and Some Rope Tied Between Two Trees. Now ask me...”
– Thomas Jonathan “Stonewall” Jackson
4 tags
“Oh, yeah? Dit-dit-dot, dit-dot-dit, dit, dit! I just sent you a message via...”
– Guglielmo Marconi
6 tags
“Please, William. I know that mountain range looks like it’s giving the...”
– Meriwether Lewis
3 tags
“I’m gonna put his ass where his head is and then we’ll see who looks...”
– Alphonse Gabriel Capone
April 2010
5 posts
6 tags
“Eva, come to the bedroom. I’ve written a follow-up novel. It’s...”
– Adolf Hitler
6 tags
“Okay, we’re shutting down the scary sandwich exhibit. I know, I’m...”
– Phineas Taylor Barnum
4 tags
“She says, sit and spin.”
– Helen Keller (translated by Anne Sullivan)
6 tags
“Okay, what if he’s afraid of fire but addicted to cigarettes?...”
– Mary Shelley
5 tags
“My goodness, I believe some hobbits are hopping around your shire. ‘Tis no...”
– John Ronald Reuel Tolkien
March 2010
6 posts
4 tags
“And lo, my blood, beseeching my fortitude, wilted at the dawn of…ahhh,...”
– John Milton
5 tags
“Hey everyone, I’ve discovered a better place we can go. Well, that’s...”
– Daniel Boone
4 tags
“Okay, what if every time you touch the ball you have to yell...”
– James Naismith
6 tags
“Wait, wait, wait, honey. You’ve got it all wrong. I’m doing research...”
– Jules Verne
5 tags
“Hi, it’s me. I’m stuck in a box. You got to come help. No, a real...”
– Marcel Marceau
4 tags
“Tell Cortés I’ve got something for him. And it’s not gold.”
– Montezuma II
February 2010
1 post
3 tags
“I think, therefore I am. Now, I think you’re stupid. Let’s make the...”
– René Descartes
January 2010
9 posts
4 tags
“Mmmm. You can really taste the satan in this punch. It’s beelzebubbly.”
– Aleister Crowley
4 tags
“Before we get back to the revolution, let me sit for a moment. Hey, this is a...”
– Ethan Allen
4 tags
“I don’t care how big it was. I’m not going to make a flag to honor...”
– Betsy Ross
3 tags
“Joke’s on you. My head is filled with candy.”
– Anne Boleyn
4 tags
“I ask for dessert and you bring me a fruit cup? Do you realize what I’ve...”
– Paul Cézanne
2 tags
“To be honest, every time I say my name, he just shouts from the other room,...”
– Horace Smith
“What’s that? Oh. Umm. No, I can’t take out the trash now. My hair...”
– Samson
2 tags
“For the umpteenth time, I’m right here.”
– Marco Polo
6 tags
“No, I’m telling you. Adolf was doing a crossword puzzle and wanted to know...”
– Mata Hari
December 2009
42 posts
4 tags
“It originally had an epilogue. Yeah, where Tiny Tim dies and becomes the Ghost...”
– Charles Dickens
4 tags
“It’s a baby sheep named Murray. What? Because I thought he’d like...”
– Balthasar the Magi
3 tags
“Now hold on. If someone would have told me to go pee in their water supply, I...”
– Benedict Arnold
4 tags
“These pants don’t feel melancholy enough. I’m doing a reading not a...”
– Edgar Allen Poe
3 tags
“For one thing, I don’t yell my own name before jumping into something, so...”
– Geronimo
5 tags
“Sometimes the stars look like God was drinking milk and the angel Gabriel said...”
– Galileo Galilei
4 tags
“My next play will be about a man who can’t act. Oh wait, I’ve...”
– Sophocles
4 tags
3 tags
“See this beer? It exists solely for me to consume it. And I exist to replace it...”
– Friedrich Nietzsche
4 tags
“Yeah, I know. Totally meant to do that. You say West Indies. I say potato.”
– Christopher Columbus
3 tags
“Just between us, I invented the bifocal lens so when I look down it looks...”
– Benjamin Franklin
4 tags
“The first 30 days I lay low and then bam, hello utopia. It’s such a good...”
– William Henry Harrison
3 tags
“Right flank, you swing in and just point and laugh at them. And while...”
– Alexander the Great
4 tags
“It takes more dedication and sacrifice to grow a beard like this than working...”
– Ulysses S. Grant
6 tags
“Wounded soldier, my ass. That’s not a battle scar, and that’s not...”
– Florence Nightingale
4 tags
“The real Boston massacre was me on that all-you-can-eat buffet. I destroyed that...”
– Samuel Adams
4 tags
“My next book involves a lovable little tramp as well. Only this one is more of...”
– Mark Twain
3 tags
“My attempts at negotiation seem to start off well, then I say something...”
– Erik the Red
4 tags
“Just because I walk into a bar doesn’t mean there’s a punchline...”
– Pope Gregory XIII
4 tags
“I wouldn’t go so far as to say every woman is doable. Depends on what the...”
– Giacomo Casanova
“My wine tastes like feet. No, I know that’s how they make it. Would you...”
– King Henry VIII